The #1 Most Effective Tool for Managing Tantrums (That Actually Works!)

Tantrums are a child’s way of communicating their lack of control over a situation.

Have you ever found yourself jabbing at the "close" button in an elevator, silently willing the doors to close faster? Here’s a little secret: those buttons? They don’t really work.

Yep, by law, elevator doors can only close after a set time. This is known as "extended door dwell time" - and under normal operating conditions, the button to close the doors literally does nothing. The button is there to give us the illusion of control—helping us feel less helpless in a machine we can’t truly control.

Our kids are just like that. Most days, life happens to them.

Decisions are made for them—what to wear, when to eat, where to go.

And honestly, that can feel overwhelming, even frustrating.

This is when we experience the tantrums, meltdowns, defiance, and the dreaded “NO!”

So, what’s the solution? 

Give your child their own “lift buttons”—the illusion of control.

For the things they can choose, let them:

• Let them pick their clothes for the day (even if it’s a tutu over pajamas).

• Offer choices for their drink (water or herbal tea).

• Let them decide which route to walk home (around the sandpit or through it).

See what we did there?

You’re still achieving your parenting goal—getting dressed, staying hydrated, making it home—but your child feels empowered.

It’s a small shift, but it makes a big difference.

When kids feel they have a say, the battles are fewer, the “nos” are softer, the tantrums are lesser and the connection is stronger. I can truly attest to that!

So next time, hand over a little control to your child and watch them thrive.

(And hey, maybe rethink that elevator button the next time you’re in a lift 😉).

Here’s to smoother days and happier little humans!

You’ve totally got this!

XoXo Mags Salton